Great questions, greater answers

Not only our technical knowledge helps, but also the presence of mind and the right answer at right time.

Even if u don't know the answer for a question just confuse the questioner.

Question and the Answer given by Candidates...oh sorry...they are IAS Officers now.

Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS)

Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs , He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

Q. What looks like half apple ?
A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?
A : Dinner.

Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?
A : It caused a revolution.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid (UPSC 33Rank )

Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!" The boy thought for a while and said, "my choice is one really difficult question."

"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this. "What comes first, Day or Night?"

> The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while andsaid, "It's the DAY sir!" "How" the interviewer asked, "Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!" He was selected for IIM!

Laws of Cat Physics

Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the midsection of an unsuspecting, reclining human.

Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him or her.

Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Antimatter + It Doesn't Matter.

Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state when a cat is present.

Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

Law of Bag/Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

Laws on girls

1. If u think a girl is beautiful, she'll always have a boyfriend to confirm that.

2. the nicer she is...the quicker u will be dumped!!!!!

3. The more the makeup, worse the looks...

4. "95% of the girls in this world are beautiful. Remaining 5% would always be around you...


5. The guy standing next to a beautiful girl can never be her brother.

6. If by any chance the girl you like , likes you too, she will let you know in about 10 years from now ,when you are committed to some one else.

7. The more you ignore a girl, the more she'll want to be friends with you.

8. Theory of relativity......
The more u run towards a hot chick....the more she goes away from u...

9. Rule 1:
Even if you got her out alone... just when you are about to let her know about your feelings...she will spot a long lost friend.

Great differences

If you don't have a sense of humour, please don't read any further.....

1) What is the difference between women and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.
2) Why do women always have a stupid look on their faces?
Answer: Because they are...
3) What do women have in common with ceramic tiles?
Answer: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.
4) If you drop a women and a brick out of a plane,which one would hit the ground first?
Answer: Who cares?????.....
5) What did God say after he created woman?
(This ones THE BEST)
Answer: I can do better than this! And then he created man.
6) What's the difference between an intelligent woman & a UFO ?
Answer:I don't know, I've never seen either.
7) What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?
Answers: i) no mind ii) no business
8) What makes women chase men when they have no intention of marrying?
Answer: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles when they have no intention of driving.

Withdrawing Cash

How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM.

1. Park the car

2. Go to ATM Machine

3. Insert card

4. Enter PIN

5. Take money out

6. Take ATM Card out

7. Drive away



How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM

1. Park the car

2. Check makeup

3. Turn off engine

4. Check makeup

5. Go to ATM

6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse

7. Insert card

8. Hit Cancel

9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it

10. Insert card

11. Enter PIN

12. Take cash

13. Go to car

14. Check makeup

15. Start car

16. Stop car

17. Run back to ATM

18. Take ATM card

19. Back to car

20. Check makeup

21. Start car

22. Check makeup

23. Drive for 1/2 mile

24. Release handbrake

If Movies Were Released by Microsoft

...this is what would have resulted:
* Munna Bhai MCSE
* Kal MSN Ho Na Ho
* Love in mIRC
* ID Mil Gaya
* Chat To Kero
* Ek Programmer Thi
* Yeh Hack Horaha Hai
* Hum Pyar PC Se Kar Baithe
* Network Ke Us Paar
* Meri Disc Tumhare Paas Hai
* Aao Chat Kare
* C++ Wale Job Le Jayenge
* Programmer No.1
* Mera Naam Developer
* Hum Apke Memory Mein Rahate Hein
* Do Processor, Baarah Terminal
* Tera Code Chal Gaya
* Debugging Koi Khel Nahi
* Jish Desh Mein Bill Gates Rehtha Hai
* Raju Ban Gaya MCSD
* Client Ek Numbari, C ++Programmer Dus Numbari
* Login Karo Sajana
* Naukar PC Ka
* 1942 -- A Bug Story
* Kaho Na Virus Hai
* Haan Meine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai
* Shaheed Hacker Singh
* Password De Ke Dekho
* Terminal Apna , Login Parayi
* Mr. Network Lal
* Terminal Sajaake Rakhna

Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

I just wanted to let you know that I have recently been diagnosed with AAADD Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it goes...

I decide to do the laundry, start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table. OK, I'm going to do the laundry...

BUT FIRST I'm going to read the newspaper. After that, I notice the mail on the table. OK, I'll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack....

BUT FIRST I'll look through the pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Yes. Now where is the checkbook? Oops.. there's the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I'm going to look for that checkbook...

BUT FIRST I need to put the glass in the sink. I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor flowers need a drink of water, I put the glass in the sink and there's the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter. What's it doing here? I'll just put it away...

BUT FIRST I need to water those plants. I head for the door and... Aaaagh! stepped on the cat. Cat needs to be fed. Okay, I'll put the remote away and water the plants...

BUT FIRST I need to feed the cat.

END OF DAY: Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are not paid, checkbook is still lost, and the cat ate the remote control...And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because...I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY! I realize this condition is serious...I'd better get help...

BUT FIRST...I think I'll check my e-mail.

Top 10 Most Brilliant Marketing Mess Ups

1. Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."

2. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."

3. Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into German only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "manure stick."

4. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the U.S., with the beautiful Caucasian baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside, since most people can't read.

5. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.

6. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I saw the potato" (la papa).

7. Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave", in Chinese.

8. Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "it takes a strong man to make a tender chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."

9. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Ke-kou-ke-la", meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "ko-kou-ko-le", translating into "happiness in the mouth."

10. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "it won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you". Instead, the company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."

Funny Real-Life Resume Errors

"My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."

"Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."

"Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."

"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

"I am a rabid typist."

"Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."

"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."

"Proven ability to track down and correct erors."

"Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."

"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."

"References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."

"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

"Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant."

"I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail."

"Qualifications: No education or experience."

"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."

"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."

"Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"

Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"

Customer Care in 2020

Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."

Customer: "Hello, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's eh..., hold..........on......889861356102049998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99"

Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle..."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Scooter,...registration number 1123..."

Customer: " ????"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$% ^

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"

Customer: [Faints]

Best Break-Up Letter Ever

A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home.

It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice,since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love,
Becky..............

The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.

There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:

Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are.Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care,
Ricky

Some Computer Humor

What does a baby computer call his father? Data.

What happened when the computer fell on the floor? It slipped a disk.

Why was there a bug in the computer? It was looking for a byte to eat.

What is a computer virus? A terminal illness.

My computer isn't that nervous. It's just a bit ANSI.

>>>>>-------- The information went data way -------->

BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding

C:> Bad, bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner!

Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)

C:> File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny

Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

Who's General Failure, & why's he reading my disk?

Never let a computer know you're in a hurry.

THINK -- it gives you something to do while the computer is down.

To err is human. To really screw things up you need a computer.

Rules For Chocolate

• If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
• Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
• The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
• Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
• A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
• If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.
• But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
• If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
• If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?
• Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
• If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.
• Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.