Friday, August 29, 2008

REAL Warnings

* On the "CycleAware" helmet-mounted mirror: "Remember: Objects in the mirror are actually behind you."
* On a large folding cardboard sunshade for car windscreens: "Do not attempt to operate vehicle with sunshade in place."
* On a car lock which loops around both the clutch pedal and the steering wheel: "Warning - Remove lock before driving."
* In the instructions for a Korean kitchen knife: "Keep out of children."
* On a packet of juggling balls: "This product contains small granules under 3 millimeters. Not suitable for children under the age of 14 years in Europe or 8 years in the USA."
* On a packet of Nytol sleeping tablets: "Warning: may cause drowsiness."
* On a packet of peanuts served on an internal flight in China (written in both English and Chinese): "Open packet and eat contents."
* On 500g packets of Sainsbury's peanuts: "Contains nuts."
* Seen on a camera: "This camera only works when there is film inside."
* On a bottle of flavored milk drink: "After opening, keep upright."
* On a Rowenta iron: "Warning! Never iron clothes on the body!"
* On a can of windscreen de-icing spray: "Spray works in sub-zero temperatures."
* On a can of insect spray: "Kills all kinds of insects! Warning: This spray is harmful to bees."
* A different brand of insect spray: "Kills flies, wasps, mosquitoes, midges, and other flying insects. Not tested on animals."
* On a Halloween Batman costume: "This cape does not give the wearer the ability to fly."

Friday, August 01, 2008

Computer Humor

  • What does a baby computer call his father? Data.
  • What happened when the computer fell on the floor? It slipped a disk.
  • Why was there a bug in the computer? It was looking for a byte to eat.
  • What is a computer virus? A terminal illness.
  • My computer isn't that nervous. It's just a bit ANSI.
  • >>>>>-------- The information went data way -------->
  • BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
  • C:> Bad, bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner!
  • Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
  • C:> File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
  • Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
  • Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
  • Who's General Failure, & why's he reading my disk?
  • Never let a computer know you're in a hurry.
  • THINK -- it gives you something to do while the computer is down.
  • To err is human. To really screw things up you need a computer.