[1] Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin." - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
[2] I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." - Eleanor Roosevelt
[3] Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain
[4] The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns
[5] Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge
[6] Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
[7] What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce. - Mark Twain
[8] By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
[9] I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
[10] My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante
[11] The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. - Jilly Cooper
[12] I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
[13] Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine
[14] Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. - Mark Twain
[15] My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Ed Furgolm-joshi
[2] I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." - Eleanor Roosevelt
[3] Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain
[4] The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns
[5] Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge
[6] Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
[7] What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce. - Mark Twain
[8] By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
[9] I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
[10] My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante
[11] The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. - Jilly Cooper
[12] I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
[13] Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine
[14] Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. - Mark Twain
[15] My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Ed Furgolm-joshi
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