Performance Evaluations

(Courtesy: Doctordialtone)

These useful quotes are from actual federal employee performance evaluations:

* Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

* I would not allow this employee to breed.

* This employee is really not so much of a has-been but more of a definite won't-be.

* When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.

* He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

* Got a full six-pack but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

* A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

* He has been working with glue too much.

* If you see two people talking, and one looks bored, he is the other one.

* A photographic memory but with the lens covered glued on.

* Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

* Gates are down, the lights are flashing but the train is not coming.

* Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

* If he were any more stupid, he would have to be watered twice a week.

* If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

* It is hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.

* Takes him two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

* The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.