Signs You Are Getting Old

• You got cable for the Weather Channel
• If a young girl looks at you, you check to make sure you remembered to put on your pants.
• When you do the "Hokey Pokey" you put your left hip out...and you can't get it back around.
• Most women you know under 40 put you in the "Friend of my Father" class.
• Restaurants stop asking to see your senior discount card.
• You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
• You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
• You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
• Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
• Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.