You Might Be a Bad Cook If...

•You look in a cookbook to find out how to boil water.
•The smoke alarm beeps if you even walk near the stove.
•Your family buys Pepto and Tums in bulk.
•The last time you tried to make toast the kitchen caught on fire.
•You make tuna noodle broccoli surprise for your roommate and the surprise is that it glows in the dark!
•Your food melts plastic and silverware.
•The dog goes to the neighbors' to eat.
•All your baked goods have the names "asphalt" or "Hockey puck."
•There are bones in your toast.
•All you cook seems to be left overs.
•The leftover crumbs make a great replacement for kitty litter.
•Your family automatically heads for the dinner table every time they hear the fire alarm.
•The EPA requires that all your garbage cans be marked with large bright red 'biohazard' symbols.
•Your kids know what exactly peas porridge in a crockpot nine days old tastes like.
•There's no such thing as an unusable leftover.
•You really have messed up a salad.
•The family pets are no where to be found during dinner
•Around dinnertime, the family seems really interested in going to that restaurant that always has trouble passing the health inspection.