Saturday, July 30, 2005

Doctor's Reports

1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.

3. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

5. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

6. Healthy appearing decrepit 99 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

7. The patient refused an autopsy.

8. The patient has no past history of suicides.

9. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

10. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our Car for physical therapy.

20. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

21. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

22. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

23. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Words That Don't Exist, But Really Should

1. AQUADEXTROUS - Possessing the ability to turn the bathroom faucet on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION - The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT - To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.

4. ELBONICS - The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater or airplane.

5. FRUST - The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he or she finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. PEPPIER - The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

7. PHONESIA - The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

8. PUPKUS - The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

9. TELECRASTINATION - The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

Tools And Their Usage

* HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

* MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing seats and motorcycle jackets.

* HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

* WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for, the last 15 minutes.

* DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your iced tea across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.

* WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar callusesin about the time it takes you to say, "Ouc...."

* HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a motorcycle to the ground after you have installed your new front disk brake set-up, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front fender.

* TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.

* PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.

* SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.

* BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulphuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a door nail, just as you thought.

* PRYBAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

* HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.

Monday, July 25, 2005

How Fast Can You Read

3-D Paintings











How Girls Learn Maths

The Checker Shadow Illusion

The Triangle Puzzle


Scroll Down For The Answer

The reason that people sometimes find this puzzling is because they start off making an assumption. Often they don't even realize they have made this assumption. The assumption is that we are comparing two triangles, and that they each have the same area. Certainly a quick inspection - helped by the grid - is that the 'triangles' are 13 squares across, and five squares high, and they kind of look the same.

In fact the top triangle is not a triangle at all, it is a tetrahedron. If you look closely along the line of the hypotenuse (the diagonal), you will see that it is not quite straight, it is slightly concave. Why? Well, the dark green triangle is 5 squares across, and 2 squares high. The red triangle is 3 squares high, and should be 7.5 squares across for the hypotenuse to have the same angle to the horizontal. In fact the red triangle is 8 squares across, and the angle of the hypotenuse is slightly shallower that that of the green triangle. Which is why the hypotenuse is not a straight line, when you look closely. The bottom 'triangle' is not a triangle either, it is also a tetrahedron, but now the hypotenuse is slightly convex, since the position of the red and green triangles is now reversed.

Here is an image of the two triangles superimposed, which shows the difference in the two hypotenuse...


Celebrity Babies

Amazing Puzzle

Earthquake Art

This is a real piece of art (as I was told and confirmed from a few sources), crafted naturally by a compound pendulum during an earthquake.




The Moving Circles Illusion

Good Way To Sleep

George Constanza's Words of Wisdom

Wonderful Salads Work





Test Whether You Are Drunk Or Not

Baygon Advertisment

Punishments


Computer Science Lessons

Earning Money Is Hard Work

TATA

A useless looking picture..

Add a cylinder at the correct place
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Makes a wonderful piece of portrait of J.R.D. Tata

Newton's Laws of Graduation

Great Thinkers Of Our Times

Good Paint Jobs


When Cyberdaters Meet

Our Friendship

Only In Software Industry

Black vs. White

Novel Suicide Methods