Computer Humor

• What does a baby computer call his father? Data.
• What happened when the computer fell on the floor? It slipped a disk.
• Why was there a bug in the computer? It was looking for a byte to eat.
• What is a computer virus? A terminal illness.
• My computer isn't that nervous. It's just a bit ANSI.
• >>>>>-------- The information went data way -------->
• BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
• C:> Bad, bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner!
• Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
• C:> File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
• Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
• Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
• Who's General Failure, & why's he reading my disk?
• Never let a computer know you're in a hurry.
• THINK -- it gives you something to do while the computer is down.
• To err is human. To really screw things up you need a computer.

Computer Proverbs

* Home is where you hang your @.
* The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
* A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
* You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
* C: is the root of all directories.
* Don't put all your hypes in one home page.
* Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.
* The modem is the message.
* Too many clicks spoil the browse.
* The geek shall inherit the earth.
* A chat has nine lives.
* Don't byte off more than you can view.
* Fax is stranger than fiction.
* What boots up must come down.
* Windows will never cease.
* Virtual reality is its own reward.
* Modulation in all things.
* A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
* Know what to expect before you connect.
* Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.
* Speed thrills.
* Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.

If AOL Were A City

1. You'd live in a place where no two people had the same name.
2. You'd only pay $21.95 a month to live there, but half the time you tried to leave your house, the door would be stuck.
3. Once you got outside, even if you were in a hurry, you'd be assaulted by slimy little door-to-door sales creeps
offering you great AOL 14.4 modems for only $399.99.
4. The commute to work is just a double-click away, but every time you try to leave your driveway, the flow of traffic
knocks you back into your yard.
5. The local post office would tell your mother you're not a known resident.
6. The local post office won't forward your mail to you when you move.
7. If you saw a crime and called 911, they'd reply a week later with a form letter saying how you "really are important to us."
8. Every time you went shopping, you'd be kicked out of the store by a bouncer screaming, "WE'RE SORRY, THIS STORE IS TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE."
9. Whenever you traveled to other cities, people would see your license tag and laugh at you, behind your back.
10. You'd occasionally be sent home during your day by another bouncer telling you that the city has performed an illegal operation.
11. You'd not have any idea who your neighbors are, and most new arrivals would move in at night, stuff everyone's mailbox with garbage, and vacate before sun-up.
12. The administration would build a huge, state of the art park, and allow the kids to play there free, then suddenly start demanding money.

New Computer Viruses

Beware of the following new computer viruses!

ADAM AND EVE VIRUS - Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS - You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

DOLLY PARTON VIRUS - It sounds pretty good, but you'd swear your monitor looks larger and have more knobs than it used to. DEFLATE.COM removes it.

FREUDIAN VIRUS - Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying it's own motherboard. Becomes very jealous of the size of your friend's hard drive.

HEALTH CARE VIRUS - Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

JEFFREY DAHMER VIRUS - Eats away at your systems resources piece by piece.

JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS - Nobody can find it. Your programs can never be found again.

KEVORKIAN VIRUS - Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to. Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them.

MAFIA VIRUS - You don't want it, but you're afraid to get rid of it.

MARTHA STEWART VIRUS - Takes all your files, sorts them by category and folds them into cute little doilies to be displayed on your desktop.

MIKE TYSON VIRUS - Quits after one byte.

MONICA LEWINSKY VIRUS - It sucks the juice out of your system, but only affects laptops. Then, it emails everyone about what it did. This later activates the Independent Counsel virus.

PROZAC VIRUS - Screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.

STAR TREK VIRUS - Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

If Movies Were Released by Microsoft

...this is what would have resulted:
* Munna Bhai MCSE
* Kal MSN Ho Na Ho
* Love in mIRC
* ID Mil Gaya
* Chat To Kero
* Ek Programmer Thi
* Yeh Hack Horaha Hai
* Hum Pyar PC Se Kar Baithe
* Network Ke Us Paar
* Meri Disc Tumhare Paas Hai
* Aao Chat Kare
* C++ Wale Job Le Jayenge
* Programmer No.1
* Mera Naam Developer
* Hum Apke Memory Mein Rahate Hein
* Do Processor, Baarah Terminal
* Tera Code Chal Gaya
* Debugging Koi Khel Nahi
* Jish Desh Mein Bill Gates Rehtha Hai
* Raju Ban Gaya MCSD
* Client Ek Numbari, C ++Programmer Dus Numbari
* Login Karo Sajana
* Naukar PC Ka
* 1942 -- A Bug Story
* Kaho Na Virus Hai
* Haan Meine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai
* Shaheed Hacker Singh
* Password De Ke Dekho
* Terminal Apna , Login Parayi
* Mr. Network Lal
* Terminal Sajaake Rakhna

Some Computer Humor

What does a baby computer call his father? Data.

What happened when the computer fell on the floor? It slipped a disk.

Why was there a bug in the computer? It was looking for a byte to eat.

What is a computer virus? A terminal illness.

My computer isn't that nervous. It's just a bit ANSI.

>>>>>-------- The information went data way -------->

BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding

C:> Bad, bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner!

Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)

C:> File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny

Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

Who's General Failure, & why's he reading my disk?

Never let a computer know you're in a hurry.

THINK -- it gives you something to do while the computer is down.

To err is human. To really screw things up you need a computer.