Real Signs In Shop Windows

Signs In a clothing store:
"Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

In the window of an Oregon general store:
"Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?"

In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."

On a Tennessee highway:
"Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

From the safety information card in America WestAirline seat pocket:
"If you are sitting in an exit row and can not read this card, please tell a crew member."

On a Maine shop:
"Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."

On a delicatessen wall:
"Our best is none too good."

You Might Be A Physics Major

• if you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.
• if you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
• if you chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force."
• if it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
• if you frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."
• if you think in "math."
• if you have a pet named after a scientist.
• if you can translate English into Binary.
• if when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.

If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk At Work

10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about
in that time management course you sent me to."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the whiteout. You probably got here just in time!"
7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"
4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
3. "The coffee machine is broken..."
2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
1. " ...... AMEN!"