If you haven't read the previous post, read it first. Still, I am copying them here itself to avoid your weight-loss by having to click a few more buttons (since it is a compilation of two earlier posts).
The Guy's Side of the Story
Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's
up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't
hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to
think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle
hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do
not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost
every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving
it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are
for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7
days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don 't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one
of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you
want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do
it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither
do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will
act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is
just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you
wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun
formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep
on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind
that? It's like camping.
And here's the response:
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big boy. If it's down, put it up. We need it down, you need it down. You don't want to kiss a girl who's been IN the toilet.
1. Is there some law that you can only watch sports on Sunday? They come on other days and actually, it's more fun to spread them out over a period of seven days rather than watching them all at once.
1. No, shopping is not a sport, but without it you wouldn't have the junk food you like to cram into your mouth while watching sports.
1. Crying is blackmail and it works!
1. We ask for what we want. We are very clear, but: It's not a subtle hint! It's not a strong hint! It's not even an obvious hint! We do just say it and you still get it completely wrong!
1. We say yes, you hear no. We say no, you hear yes. Obviously, it's a recieving problem.
1. No one asked you for sympathy. We just asked for a solution. You couldn't give it to us, so you complain that all we want is sympathy. It's not our fault you didn't have the answer.
1. Saw the doctor. He said to get rid of what's causing the headache. Your mom said you could stay with her for awhile.
1. "In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days." Great! I guess I can buy those expensive pairs of shoes now!
1. Don't worry, you would never pass for a soap opera guy in a million years.
1. If you think you're as big as the next fat guy, don't ask us. You probably are.
1. So, it either makes us sad or angry. If its not one, it's the other. Neither is a good solution. Work on it.
1. When we ask how to do it, we just want to be sure that you know we are once again doing something that you should've done in the first place.
1. Why talk during the commercials? That's when you make your refrigerator or bathroom run and you hate it when we follow you into the bathroom.
1. Christopher Columbus got lost.
1. Then, you won't mind if I buy you a peach shirt, since you can't see the color anyway!
1. We say nothing to avoid having to listen to you moan about us having problems. Listening to you moan is worse than having our own problems.
1. If we ask a question we don't want an answer to, it's most likely a rhetorical question. Don't know what a rhetorical question is? Look it up in the dictionary or go back to high school English.
1. If anything we wear is fine, stop complaining about what we wear!
1. When we ask what you're thinking, it's usually because you've asked us what we're thinking or yes, we do want to discuss baseball.
1. You need more clothes.
1. You need more shoes.
1. If you are comfortable being round, don't complain when we aren't as "skinny" as the model in the magazine.
1. Of course it's like camping, because in camping you sleep on something that is not quite as long as you are. You don't get the couch, bucko, you get the love seat.
The Guy's Side of the Story
Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's
up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't
hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to
think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle
hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do
not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost
every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving
it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are
for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7
days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don 't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one
of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you
want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do
it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither
do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will
act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is
just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you
wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun
formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep
on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind
that? It's like camping.
And here's the response:
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big boy. If it's down, put it up. We need it down, you need it down. You don't want to kiss a girl who's been IN the toilet.
1. Is there some law that you can only watch sports on Sunday? They come on other days and actually, it's more fun to spread them out over a period of seven days rather than watching them all at once.
1. No, shopping is not a sport, but without it you wouldn't have the junk food you like to cram into your mouth while watching sports.
1. Crying is blackmail and it works!
1. We ask for what we want. We are very clear, but: It's not a subtle hint! It's not a strong hint! It's not even an obvious hint! We do just say it and you still get it completely wrong!
1. We say yes, you hear no. We say no, you hear yes. Obviously, it's a recieving problem.
1. No one asked you for sympathy. We just asked for a solution. You couldn't give it to us, so you complain that all we want is sympathy. It's not our fault you didn't have the answer.
1. Saw the doctor. He said to get rid of what's causing the headache. Your mom said you could stay with her for awhile.
1. "In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days." Great! I guess I can buy those expensive pairs of shoes now!
1. Don't worry, you would never pass for a soap opera guy in a million years.
1. If you think you're as big as the next fat guy, don't ask us. You probably are.
1. So, it either makes us sad or angry. If its not one, it's the other. Neither is a good solution. Work on it.
1. When we ask how to do it, we just want to be sure that you know we are once again doing something that you should've done in the first place.
1. Why talk during the commercials? That's when you make your refrigerator or bathroom run and you hate it when we follow you into the bathroom.
1. Christopher Columbus got lost.
1. Then, you won't mind if I buy you a peach shirt, since you can't see the color anyway!
1. We say nothing to avoid having to listen to you moan about us having problems. Listening to you moan is worse than having our own problems.
1. If we ask a question we don't want an answer to, it's most likely a rhetorical question. Don't know what a rhetorical question is? Look it up in the dictionary or go back to high school English.
1. If anything we wear is fine, stop complaining about what we wear!
1. When we ask what you're thinking, it's usually because you've asked us what we're thinking or yes, we do want to discuss baseball.
1. You need more clothes.
1. You need more shoes.
1. If you are comfortable being round, don't complain when we aren't as "skinny" as the model in the magazine.
1. Of course it's like camping, because in camping you sleep on something that is not quite as long as you are. You don't get the couch, bucko, you get the love seat.
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