Suggested Comebacks

Suggested comebacks to unsolicited, persistent telephone sales callers

* "I'm sorry, but I'm really busy right now. Give me your home number and I'll call you back later tonight."

* In the middle of the caller's memorized sales pitch, interrupt with: "What causes a hiccup?"

* "Shhh. Wait a minute. I'm here robbing the house. Whoa! I think the owners just got home. Can you hold?"

* When someone asks whether a spouse is at home: "Yes, but I never allow him/her to talk to strangers."

* When someone asks how you are: "Well, I'm having an existential crisis at the moment. Let me explain . . ."

* "You want to sell me insurance? I've been trying to get insurance for years, but nobody will sell me any!"

* Another response to rug-cleaners or any person offering home services: (Break into tears and say) "Is this some kind of joke? My house burned down last night! We lost everything!"

* To a phone company solicitor: "That sounds GREAT! Wait, can you hold for a minute?" (Leave the phone off the hook until he/she hangs up.)

** Use your touch-tone phone to annoy the caller by playing "Mary Had a Little Lamb":
6-5-4-5
6-6-6
5-5-5
6-6-6.
6-5-4-5
6-6-6-6
5-5-6-5
4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4