Unnecessary Inventions

* Makeup That is Tattooed on:
You might love that green eyeliner now, but what about when you're fifty?

* Colored Elastics For Braces:
As if the braces didn't make your mouth stand out enough.

* Crayons That Smell:
Oh, good, let's give kids another reason to eat them.

* Juicers:
Carrot-peach-avocado-rhutabaga-pomegranate-yam juice was not meant to be.

* Colored Contact Lenses:
Oh, yeah, purple is such a natural eye color.

* Fake Eyelashes:
You shouldn't be able to braid your eyelashes.

* The Epilady:
Pulling hair out by the roots is masochistic.

* Those Crocheted Kleenex Box Covers:
Kleenex does not get chilly.

* Heated and/or Padded Toilet Seats:
Your not supposed to spend the day there. Comfort should not be a pressing concern. Get in, do your thing, and get out.

* Thong underwear:
Nothing leads to insanity faster than a perpetual wedgie.

* Doggie Sweaters:
Fido is not Mr. Rogers, nor does he want to be Mr. Rogers.