Thursday, August 25, 2005

Headlines from the year 2029

* Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.

* Baby conceived naturally - scientists stumped.

* Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

* Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

* Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

* George Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

* Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

* 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

* Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

* Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

* New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screw-drivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

* Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

* IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

* Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

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